Father to self- 1984

I’m staying rent free at my mother’s near Cleveland, Ohio. I’ve been trying to get work but it’s all minimum wage and I’ve been out of the work force for a couple of years caring for our children while my wife works in the Coast Guard. She’s away from the children in New York- On an island- with a bunch of men- Alone. The first week I tried calling A sometimes until 3 am and she wasn’t in her room. I’d call all day on a Saturday leave messages. And finally when I happened to get ahold of her she’d tell me she didn’t get any messages. She told me she put a board up on her door and told everyone during a meeting that if there were any messages to write on her board. She came home for Christmas and told me she didn’t know about our marriage that she didn’t now if she could handle it anymore. I asked her to take one of the kids to the store with her because she never did anything with them and I wanted a break. She began screaming at me saying that’s it I was to go back early. I want a divorce. She packed her bags and had me driver her to the bus station. I refused. She said she’d hitch a ride and I knew she was serious. She didn’t even say goodbye to the kids. I drove her to the station.

Since then she has admitted to having an affair since she couldn’t excuse why she didn’t call me when I tried to get ahold of her for three days. I told them it was an emergency and I desperately needed to speak with her.

People told me they would find her. Keep an eye out. Finally she called. I had broken 3 ribs about a week before and kept injuring them because of the constant bending and carrying of the baby. I asked A if she could come to help. Said she could suspend training for two weeks but refused to do so and then admitted the reason why I couldn’t get ahold of her. She pent the weekend with someone. Later she called me D.

This person is taking advantage of a very confused person. I love A clearly and she has hurt me tremendously. I sent her a $400 anniversary present. She didn’t even send a card. I’ve written but her views, the reason for her entering the Coast Guard and ET school are in a perverse way. They in no way resemble reality. I know nothing can be done and I continue to believe once A gets to her duty station and sees me and the kids that she will understand and love me again. But she wants me to give her the kids when she has only seen 1 1/2 out of 3 years. She never took care of them. Never took the to the zoo or a park or even out for ice cream. She has been having a real identity crisis and the pressure to succeed (in a man’s world) and glamour of romance in a romantic city without responsibilities has greatly inhibited and [illegible] has broken our dreams, our family. I was going to become a G.P. and A was interested in the space shuttle program and biophysics but now I believe her guilt, because of my continued efforts to reconcile, want her to forgive herself.

She insists they live with her and that I stay nearby in my own apartment. She can’t take care of these two kids and my absence would be a great detriment to their well-being especially to my oldest Melissa.

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