Reflections on my mother

December 25, 2015

I used to hate her and now I want to protect her. I have some painful memories to share. My lens was that of a teenager. I did suffer things a child never should. But these days I want to understand what my childhood meant, how the hell I turned out so great, and how it’s possible that I am extremely empathetic while being emotionally unavailable and detached. I constantly seek approval. I have mimicked social cues so I can fit in- I didn’t have the mother- daughter bonding experience.

There isn’t much out there around children who have an Asperger parent… and none who had the type of life I did. I guess I am writing my story to see if I can somehow emotionally connect with what happened to me as a child… Maybe meet someone else who has been through it. It’s hard to live your life without having a certain level of connection with people who understand the core of who you are.

I just wanted to make the point that I do not place blame on my family anymore. We can’t redo our past and quite honestly- I appreciate who I am and where my journey has taken me.

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